![]() Your backup is Davis Mills, who has that giraffe in him: "Go go gadget neck!" (Image via NFL) Good thing that, unlike test taking, playing quarterback doesn’t require you to solve problems in a limited amount of time and under great duress. But I am a petty and vindictive man, so I’m gonna use that test score against Stroud anyway.ĬJ Stroud says he is a football player and “not a test taker” in reference to an S2 question. Is the S2 cognition test a scam at best and discriminatory at worst? Yes. And he infamously scored a reported 18 percent on the Nü Wonderlic. He never beat Michigan, which would be like me being unable to defeat a human baby in arm wrestling. 2 in this draft almost exclusively because of his performance in the national semifinal against Georgia, a game that the Buckeyes still lost. ![]() I’d rather draft a QB from Rice.Īs for Stroud himself, he ended up going No. The last Ohio State QB I watched come into the league can’t hit the bullseye on a dunk tank, and he’s still the greatest pro QB that the Buckeyes have ever produced. Ryans is gonna have Stroud pass the ball a maximum of 12 times a game and, by the end of this season, you will still have NO idea if Stroud is worth a shit or not. You may not see this team throw a forward pass until November, which is likely for the best because … Are you a fan of establishing the run? I sure hope so, because DeMeco Ryans is gonna establish the fuck out of the run here. Not the best starting point for the new guy. While they drafted some good players, the talent around them was just the same guys they’d already had re-signed, minus David Johnson.ĭavid Johnson! I remember that Guy! This is what DeMeco Ryans is getting himself into: a team whose roster is overseen by a man whose operating ethos is to put window dressing on a house that’s already on fire. Nick Caserio had a full offseason (in 2022) to do whatever he wanted and just kept everything the same as it was. That’s GM Nick Caserio, who’s made exclusively of right angles and is even more to blame for Houston’s recent, many failures than Easterby was. But guess who still gets to boss him around? "The fact of the matter, detective, is that I love to kill people." (Photo by NFL via Getty Images) Unlike those men, Ryans isn’t here to serve as an easy scapegoat for an organization that’s equal parts racist, corrupt, and stupid. But Easterby is gone now, which surely means that Ryans-the first desirable head coach that the Texans have perhaps ever hired-will get the kind of support and patience that neither David Culley nor Lovie Smith was afforded. 2022 marked the second straight season in which Houston had a one-and-done head coach working under now former executive and dad from 7th Heaven Jack Easterby. Your coach: Former Texans linebacker DeMeco Ryans. The scent of disgrace lingers over them, and will do so in perpetuity. In spirit, the Texans are still employing him and still scouting out abandoned, undisclosed warehouses for him to schedule massage appointments with unsuspecting nurse practitioners. In many ways, it was as if Deshaun Watson never left this place. From there, Dallas staged an 11-play, 98-yard drive to stuff these losers down an oil well. Their fourth-down “run” was a not-designed bootleg for QB Jeff Driskel that, shockingly, resulted in a turnover on downs. ![]() Their third-down run lost a million yards. Nowhere was this more evident than at the end of their signature almost-upset of the season: a home game against Dallas in which the Texans were up by three and had goal-to-go with just five minutes left to play. Once any Texans back advanced 0.8 yards past the line of scrimmage, a knife fight awaited them. According to PFF, no team was worse at getting yards before contact in the run game than Houston was. They took the Chiefs to OT and then lost anyway, compelling Kansas City players to be like, Wow you guys really gave us a good scare there that’s just the kind of mild embarrassment we needed to go win a Super Bowl now k thx bai. They got picked off by the Bears in their own territory with barely a minute left to play to gift Chicago a rare W, and still couldn’t beat them out for that top pick. Their former superstar groper of a QB came back to town for his first game back from suspension, played like shit, and still beat them by two touchdowns. ![]() They let Derrick Henry put up 200-plus yards on them for the fourth straight time, in a game where the Titans only needed to pass once in the second half to seal the win. They gifted instant laughingstock Nathaniel Hackett his first win as a head coach, in a game where Broncos fans relentlessly booed their own team throughout. They lost nine straight in the middle of the season. In between that triumphant home-and-home with Indianapolis, the Texans were football chloroform. □: Stream on NFL+ /SJ5c50zmJW- NFL January 8, 2023 The Texans take the lead with 50 seconds left! ![]()
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